


Dark Days

by pencilguin



Series: Tinted Mirrors [2]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 15:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16726239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pencilguin/pseuds/pencilguin
Summary: [Spoilers for season 1] The terran empire is in disarray, political unrest and a civil war have followed the fall and disappearance of the emperor. Paul Stamets is not handling it well.





	Dark Days

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on Tumblr as part of the Fictober 2018 challenge. Unbeta'd; I apologize for any mistakes that might still be in there. 
> 
> Content warning: anxiety/panic attack, but pretty vague.

Hugh returned home after a long and annoying day full of annoying people, letting the door fall shut perhaps a little too vigorously and taking several deep breaths as he leaned against it from inside the apartment. 

_Their_ apartment. Which he was sharing with Paul now. 

Sometimes Hugh had to pinch himself and trace back the events of the past few months to remind himself that all of this was really happening in his life now. With the coup and disappearance of the emperor, and the unrests and uprisings in its wake, the world had become a dangerous and at times unpredictable place. Not to mention he was now in a relationship. With Paul Stamets. Relationships had never really been Hugh’s thing, and certainly none of his previous ones had been anything like his relationship with Paul. A part of him, the part that had learned the hard way all the rules of the Terran Empire since birth, still doubted if that had been a good idea. 

He threw his boots into the corner by the door unceremoniously when he noticed Paul’s already lying there—scattered all over the place, another pair of shoes knocked over as well in the process. Odd. He was usually the one telling Hugh not to leave his stuff lying around everywhere. 

Inside, Paul wasn’t anywhere to be seen or heard, either. It wasn’t until Hugh stepped into the bedroom that he finally found the blankets pulled together in a pile on the bed, with a head of pale and slightly messy blond hair peeking out at the top end. 

“Paul?” Hugh asked carefully. 

The pile stirred a little, but didn’t reply. 

He walked over, climbed onto the bed, and knelt down next to the cocoon that Paul had wrapped himself into, then reached out and gently put his hand on a spot that looked like it might be where Paul’s shoulder was. 

“What’s wrong?” 

All he received in response was a muffled, non-committal “Hrmm.” Paul had his back turned to the room, and therefore to him, and from what Hugh could see in the dim light his face was mostly buried beneath the blankets anyway. Out of an impulse of compassion, Hugh started lightly rubbing his shoulder in an attempt to soothe him. 

“You can talk to me about it if you want to, it’s okay,” he said quietly while leaning closer to the boyfriend cocoon. 

“No.” 

That startled him. 

“Okay.” 

Paul cleared his throat slightly, but his voice still sounded odd as he spoke. 

“Can we … can you just leave me alone tonight, please?” 

“Okay,” Hugh said, retreating and letting go of Paul’s shoulder. Then he settled on his side of the bed, grabbing the PADD from his nightstand and leaning against the headboard to read a little. “Can I at least get my blanket back?” 

“… No.” 

“Fine, whatever.” 

The silence between them stretched on for a while, and Hugh tried to distract himself with reading, though his thoughts kept drifting back to Paul and wondering what was up with him. Then Paul spoke again. 

“I had my meeting with the new Emperor today.” 

Hugh looked up from his PADD to the Paul pile next to him. He still hadn’t moved; his voice was muffled and quiet. 

“How did it go?” 

“It …” There was another stretch of silence. “Not well.” He shifted a little. “I … offered my services, requested continued funding for my research. Told him that the previous emperor was always satisfied with my work.” 

His voice sounded thick and weak, as if he had a cold. 

“What did he say?” Hugh asked carefully when Paul didn’t continue. 

“He … he dismissed that. Said the past was in the past and that Emperor Georgiou had been weak and didn’t know everything, either, and that was what brought her and her followers down.” 

Hugh could tell that he was shaking underneath his blankets now. Seeing that hurt more than he had expected. 

“He made it … very clear that he has no use for ‘some silly mushroom science’ and that he’s ‘a man of action’ and—” He drew a sharp breath. “And then he made a creepy remark about ‘fragile little twig arms and necks’, and then I was dismissed …” 

A quiet “Shhh…” escaped Hugh’s mouth before he could stop himself, and he tentatively rolled over and reached for Paul again. “May I …?” 

Paul peeled out of his cocoon a little and nodded. 

“I—I don’t know why I can’t stop shaking.” 

Carefully, Hugh wrapped his arms around him, and Paul wriggled around a bit until he was facing him, and curled up in his arms. Now that he could actually see Paul’s face Hugh noticed how wet and smudged it looked and how red his eyes were. 

“You’re scared,” he whispered. 

“Of course I’m scared,” Paul mumbled defiantly. “I’m fucking terrified, Hugh. It feels like I’m falling apart.” He drew a few shaky breaths, his body still shivering violently. 

“Mental health is still poorly researched,” Hugh said calmly, “which sucks for a number of reasons. But my guess is that you might be having a panic attack.” 

Paul grumbled, burying his face in Hugh’s chest. 

“I feel weak and pathetic.” 

“And that’s normal in your situation. Emperor Marcus threatened your life.” He was gently rubbing Paul’s back with one hand, and brought the other up to stroke his hair, which was slightly damp from cold sweat. “Just stay with me here, please. You’re home. You’re safe for now. Try to focus on this moment right here. On my voice, on the bed, and on the room. Keep breathing. It’s okay to cry if you feel like it.” He kissed the top of Paul’s head. “It’s okay to be vulnerable in a safe space. You taught me that, remember?” 

Paul remained silent, aside from his shaky breaths and occasional muffled sobs. His thumb kept rubbing small circles into Hugh’s side, and eventually, very slowly, Hugh could feel his breath steadying, the shaking ebb away, at least a little. 

“Hugh?” 

“Hm?” 

“I’ve never been so scared of the future in my life.” 

“I know,” Hugh said quietly, “me too.” 

“Everything’s different now,” Paul whispered. “How are we going to survive this civil war?” 

“This isn’t a new thing,” Hugh muttered, with his face resting in Paul’s hair, “even if it feels like it to us. All through our history, there have been wars and uprisings and unrests, but people always managed to pull through. They survived. We’re going to survive this, too.” 

“How?” Paul asked. “How can you know?” 

“Because we’ve got each other. You take care of me, and I take care of you.” 

He seemed to consider this for a moment. 

“Okay.” 

After a while, he quietly fell asleep, and Hugh let out a relieved breath, smiling a little because he had been able to help. 


End file.
